Thursday, April 30, 2015

The Ledger of Life

            In business, you need to keep books to see how well you’re doing.  There are two sides of the books, debits and credits.  To put it simply, inflows and outflows.  If you don’t keep track of things, you don’t know how things are going and you may be in for an unpleasant surprise.  You have to have a ledger, you have to have someone to manage that ledger.

            I’m directing this post to all you single people who might be thinking about marriage soon.  If you think you’re the master of the couple, the leader of your domicile, let me pause so I can laugh.  If you’re about to exchange rings and enter into marital bliss and think you are macho man king of your kingdom, you are a true moron.  In a little over 30 days, Lana and I will celebrate our 34th anniversary.  That didn’t happen by accident.  I own my own business.  When I walk through my door in the evening to my house, my ego stays in the garage.  Let me explain.

            In my house and in my life there is a point system.  I get good points when I do something good and I get bad points when I do something bad.  It is all kept in a ledger book.  Care to guess who keeps the books?  Good guess.  Now, here’s the thing.  I have no idea how many points I get for what good things I do.  I don’t even know what constitutes a good thing.  I’m pretty sure vacuuming and dusting is a good thing because she says thanks after I do that.  Oh yeah, if I wash clothes, that’s good too.  I don’t know how many points its worth, but it’s good.

            Conversely, I can really lose points when I do stupid things.  Apparently I do a lot of stupid things.  I’m always getting texts or calls from her telling me of dropping points. 

            “What did you do to your yellow shirt?”

            “I don’t know.  What’s on it?”

            “It looks like grease.”

            “I don’t know.  Sorry.”

            “Krulik, you’ve really lost the points on this one.  You’re never going to catch up.”

            There it is.  THE line.  “You’re never going to catch up”.  Well Duh!  She keeps the books.  I don’t have a clue how the scoring system works.  I don’t know how many points I am down and I sure don’t know what kind of good things I could do to make up massive points to get back to zero.  I’m screwed.  By the way, if she calls you by your last name, that is EXTRA bad points.

            I once asked her if I won Powerball would that get me caught up.  Do you know what she said?  “It depends on how big the jackpot is.”  Really?  I’m telling you this system is very complicated.  The rule book on the ledger must be as big as the tax code.

            Just this morning, I told her I would be able to accompany her this weekend to see her family in Southern Illinois.  I’m really looking forward to this.  I told her I need to do a couple early runs first then I can leave.  She said great and seemed very happy.  I then asked how many points that was worth.  She texted back, “ZERO”.  I asked her how can that be?  Her answer?  “I am the keeper of the points.”

            See what I mean?  This is called marriage.  Check your ego at the garage door.  If you’re single and thinking about getting married, this is reality.  It is also the most fun you will have in your life.  I have been asked many times how we have made it so long.  If you have read my posts very long, you know my story of pain.  This woman has been through a lot with me.  We are still together because of one reason, she has always been my best friend.  If you can be in a marriage and have a tough time or an argument, you need to forget about that person as a lover or even as a spouse and remember them as your best friend, then you will be fine.  Friends always have the best interest of the other person ahead of themselves.  I will be happy to spend the rest of my life trying to catch up, knowing I can’t.

            Gotta go.  I know this ledger is around here somewhere.  I’ve got to find it.  I need to find out how far behind I am.

Keith Krulik

No comments:

Post a Comment