Thursday, April 28, 2016

How do They Get These Jobs?

            Well, spring is for sure here.  The temperature has turned warm for good, the birds are chirping, the bees are hovering, the leaves are sprouting out, everything smells fresh, and I’m cutting grass twice a week.  This is a good thing, because, if you’ve been following my posts for a long time, you know when it is grass cutting time, I get lots of ideas for the blog when I cut grass and work in the yard.

            True to form, I’m bringing one of those ideas today, in my own way, of course.  For the first time in a long time, I’m going to talk about the art of writing.  As I mentioned in another post a long time ago, writing is in everything. You can find it in signs, brochures, advertisements, billboards, marketing of all kinds, music, and of course what is close to our hearts, the written word, in the form of poetry, short stories, novels, and non-fiction.

            After I get home each evening and settle into my recliner, I am ambushed by all sorts of forms of writing. Reporters spewing the local and then national news, reading off teleprompters, words written by someone. When they take breaks, the commercials come, each a minute to two minutes to tantalize us, to entice us to buy their product.

            I’m often amazed at some of the products offered for sale and how they are pitched, especially during the peak hours of 6:30 in the evening, when kids of all ages could be watching.  My favorite? Cialis.

            Oh yeah, this little gem of a commercial makes me want to throw rocks at the TV. Who writes this thing? Do they really get paid for that? Let’s break it down in detail, shall we?

            We hear a soft, nice sounding male voice speaking the words. “When the mood strikes you, you don’t want to pause to take a pill or find a bathroom.” Huh? What? I remember when Lana and I heard that version of the commercial for the first time. We looked at each other. We aren’t stupid people. What’s in the bathroom? Can’t they wait to get home? Could it be they are suggesting the guy is searching for a certain vending machine? Let me tell you something. If that is what the writer is suggesting, I don’t know about where you live and where you get around, but as for me, the bathrooms that contains such machines are not anywhere near where the people of such class they depict in the commercials. And if they did find one, I might offer a suggestion. Put on a pair of latex gloves before depositing money and operating said machine.

            You might note in these commercials we are shown what appear to be normal healthy people in love, kissing and about to make out. The male voice in the background then talks about all the warnings of the drug and what could go wrong, as required by law. Some of the fine things pointed out in this commercial are, rash, hives, swelling of the lips, tongue, or throat, which is great for a drug connected to people helping them make out. Oh, a couple more side effects are possible trouble breathing or swallowing. Yeah, not good, especially if you are excited. The last side effect is always a personal favorite of mine…headaches. Listen to every drug offered on any commercial for their side effects and one will be headaches. Even the headache treatment drugs side effects are headaches.

            Here is the last thing about my favorite commercial that is not my favorite commercial. As our male voice softly tells us some nebulous information about the drug and how we should be concerned if the man is “excited” after four hours and should see a doctor. Really? Who’s kidding who? They’re both looking at each other and going, “You know, we got this drug because of this reason. Let’s not waste this. It’s a sign from above. I don’t work until 8 in the morning.”

            Then we fade out to a picture of a horizon of a couple holding hands as they sit in bathtubs, but THEIR OWN BATHTUBS. What is up with that? Is that supposed to be romantic? Hey Mr. or Ms. Writer, tell us what is going on here. Did something not go down and they simply can’t fit in tub together? Have they been going too long and now they have headaches? Should Cialis team up with Epson Salts and have someone pouring them into the tubs as they lie there because they are sore? Do they need Chap-Stick too? Don’t leave us in suspense, will it go down in time for work or will he have to duck-tape it to his leg?

            Do these people really get paid big money to write this stuff?

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