Thursday, January 5, 2017


   Welcome to the new year! Did you go out and celebrate it formally? Did you go to a party at a friend's or relative's? Did you stay home and welcome in the New Year that way? Which ever way you chose, was there a drink involved? Champagne perhaps? How about a nice wine? Oh hey, did you do what we did, have a nice heavily laced smoothie? Maybe you had some mixed drinks instead? Or perhaps you just had an iced tea or soft drink.
   I asked these questions to get to these questions. What kind of container did you use to drink out of? Stupid question, huh? You're going to say a glass, aren't you? Well, fine and dandy, but what KIND of glass?
   Here is why I am being so coy and elusive. If I am having a scotch and water and Lana is having a glass of red wine, we are drinking from different styles of glasses. Someone else having a simple Pepsi is drinking from yet a different style of glass. If you drink bourbon or brandy, you guessed it, out comes a different glass.
   If you look around or behind the typical bar, you will see tons of glasses of various sizes and shapes. Me being me, I'm wondering why. Why is there a glass for white wine versus red wine? Why do I need a different glass for brandy and different one yet for champagne? I have to mention at this point if you have big nose, (mine is average) you will have a great deal of trouble drinking champagne from said glass.

   This all started over the holidays when I was scolded by my beautiful wife of thirty-five years for drinking something out of the wrong glass. I was told I would not get the proper flavor from the glass I was using.
   "Huh?" I asked. "What is this made of?"
   You know, I have learned a lot of things in thirty-five years of marriage. I've learned there are a lot of differences between men and women. I've learned I have lost a lot of power over the years, if I ever had it to begin with. One thing I haven't learned is to keep my mouth shut.
   "Well, smartass, it isn't just about that both our containers are made of glass. Wine tastes differently in a wine glass than it does out of a water glass, moron. The thicker glass causes the taste to change. Everyone who knows wine clearly understands this."
   "Look, I like wine, just like you, but I don't care if I drink it out of a Dixie cup or out of my shoe if I have to. This glass thing is a conspiracy to get people like you to buy twenty-four different types of glasses and to build more cupboards at home to put them in."
   "I married you why? Do you come with an instruction booklet?"
   That hurt. She didn't used to be so sarcastic. I must have rubbed off on her. Just for grins, when we got home, I opened up the cabinets. All you guys know the ones I'm talking about. It's the ones we never open. Most of us guys only open maybe two cabinets, the ones where the plate are, and the ones where the drinking glasses are, oh, and where the coffee mugs are. That's it.
   That night I really looked around. Do you know what I found? Holy cow! We've got around 9 or 10 different kinds of glasses. Where did they come from? Santa Claus? The Easter Bunny? They must be for special occasions, like...oh, I don't know, maybe anytime we drink something other than water. You see, here's the thing, I don't know what glass to use. It's like to going to a fancy restaurant and seeing forty-seven forks and seven knives and six spoons in front of you.
   I clearly know which shoe to drink out of at the right occasion. At a sporting event, I use my tennis shoe. In the lobby of a Broadway-type show or musical, I will wear my best fancy shoes, and for just casual friendly gatherings, I will wear my Sketchers. This is so much simpler than glasses.

1 comment:

  1. Brilliant! What's your take on wine-drank-directly-from-a box?