Thursday, October 30, 2014

Side Effects


            A couple of posts ago I mentioned that I took a drug called Topamax and that got a response from Larry, who said he had started the same drug the night before.  He said he hardly slept the first night from the drug.  I told him I had a couple minor side effects, like short term memory loss, but my wife reminded me that words go from my brain to my tongue much slower these days.  If you sat and listened to me talk, I would be like an old motor.  As I start a thought, I begin very slowly and choppy and then gain momentum.  I seem to do much better when writing.  When given the choice of this over having the pain of a form of migraines, I’ll take this.

            The comment of my post did get me to thinking though.  I’m guessing you know by now how I think.  It’s a little off.  My thinking was re-enforced when I was watching the national news the other night.  It has to do with the commercials.  One after another was a drug manufacturer advertising a product of theirs.  I won’t name them.  It doesn’t matter.  In my opinion, one of the worst things the government did was to allow the drug companies to advertise on television. 

            Look at this logically.  They show us a drug they make and tell us what it is for.  They want us to rush in to our doctor and tell our doctor, who spent all those years learning medicine, that we want to use that drug.  Huh?  Really?  Like my doctor is going to whip out his script pad and go, “Sure thing.  What was I thinking for not giving you that before now?”  Then what do we see next on the commercial?  A list of about 127 side effects you could get from using that drug.  Holy cow!  Makes me lean forward in my chair.  It also makes me less likely to rush into my doctor and have him write up that drug for me.

            “Taking Percodextrodrene repeatedly could cause dry throat, hacking cough, bleeding nose, a third nose to grow from the back of your head, green stalks to grow from your nose, warts on your kneecaps, anal leakage, dry hands, liver disease, kidney stones, your left foot will start growing backwards, the big toe on your left foot might fall off, unwanted hair (I’m not sure what that is), and dangling participles.

            I just don’t get telling us all those side effects.  I know they have to because of legal reasons, but man, come on, nothing like scaring the crap out of me.  My absolute favorite is, and probably yours too, the male enhancements products.  Let me paraphrase.  “If you’ve still got a problem, and we know what that problem is, after 4 hours, please see your doctor.”

            OMG!  Really???  Four hours?  See your doctor?  Are you kidding me?  I don’t use the product, but if I did, and if that happened, there is no way I am going to try to stuff that thing into a pair of pants and go out in public to see a doctor.  Can’t you guys just advertise something on television to bring it down?  Maybe a bucket of ice.  Maybe I will think about one of the women I use to go out with that I truly regret.
            I have to stop by Lowe’s on the way home to buy a couple porcelain bathtubs for outside.  Do I need a prescription for that?     

4 comments:

  1. HG knows what a dangling participle is...!

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  2. HG didn't tell me. Brooke started this. She didn't tell me. HG didn't tell me. Mike didn't tell me. Even our English professor, diagramming blog sharing friend Heather didn't tell me what in the wide, wide world of sports a dangling participle is.

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