Wednesday, January 15, 2020

Just For (OTHER) Men

Today is the first day of 2020, and what’s the first action I commit? I dye my hair.

Now mind you, I dyed my hair just a little, unlike other men my age who probably need to dye their hair more.

Sure, I am getting older. And, just like other men my age, I do see some gray under some shades of light on some parts of my hair...but certainly not most of my hair! Only the temples, to be exact. And, just like other men my age, the gray is unwelcomed, right? No doubt they feel the same way that I feel in preferring not to see a reflection in the mirror each morning that claims to be the exact opposite image of our current, graying state.


So, on the first day of the year, I fooled the mirror and returned my reflected image back to an earlier operating system. No, not to Microsoft Windows 3.1; I don’t care to look younger...just circa early 2000s attractiveness. I like Randy circa early 2000s. I'm familiar with that guy. He's a handsome guy, too...with not a single gray hair on his handsome little head. What harm is there in wanting to look familiar? No harm at all. Thus, I used my partner’s Just For Men light brown hair dye to help me get back to, oh, Windows XP or maybe Windows 7.

Thankfully, I don’t need much of the stuff to do it, unlike other men my age. Heck! I don’t even need to buy it. I just have to borrow it, you understand. I am quite proud that I don’t have to walk into a Walgreens or a Kroger and publically state that I “need” Just For Men, because I need only a ‘wittle splatter of the stuff along my temples...maybe a bit further towards the back, too, if I could be assured that I won’t stain my neck in the process without realizing it. But no. I’m not assured. I’ll leave that small, incy-wincy spot of gray alone. For now.

However, I have recently discovered in a moment's glance while at work or taking selfies, and while at restaurants or taking selfies, and while shaving or taking selfies; I have discovered that I am not very good at applying Just For Men. Sometimes, my hair is too dark -- as in 'black sharpie' dark. Or, my hair has not taken in the color stain at all. I either leave the dye set too long or I don’t leave it set long enough. For someone like me who doesn’t really need to use the stuff anyway, unlike other guys my age, I'd still like to have a successful staining experience for once!

Eventually, I'm hoping to get this dye thing timed just right, so then I could start seeing a less graying man staring back at me and someone who I recognize as ME.

One small problem. I seemed to have used all of my partner's dye. I’ll have to figure out how often the Just For Men is stocked...if I can deduce a regularity to its magically showing up in the bathroom cupboard. Such a bother, isn’t it? Which brings me to this one question….

Do you think the Gen Y or Z inventors of tomorrow will create a dye that will last an entire year? Like, an annual application, Just For Men and Just Once A Year Formula? A Windows Infinity_Plus of hair dyes?

Because, that would be swell. I’d definitely be scrounging around the bathroom cabinet for a box of that stuff!

...Not that I really need the stuff.

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