Verbs: Episode One Million

Back to the Passive

After a brief interlude, I’m returning to the lovely world of verbs, specifically passive voice.  Check out previous posts for more of the discussion.

Here, let’s talk about removing passive verbs (quick reminder—passive is neither wrong nor bad.  It simply removes the action from the sentence).

When I am trying to remove passive verbs from sentences, I either look for subjects and check that they are doing the actions or check the verbs to make certain that the verbs do not have a BE + PAST PARTICIPLE form. 

Let’s take a look:

My mother and I walked downtown after the football game but the street was blocked off because the gas station had been robbed.  We walked past the barriers and talked of going to the Mexican restaurant for a margarita and a taco, but we were stopped just past the barrier and were questioned.  My mom seemed a little upset by the situation, so we turned around and went home.  We had a pizza delivered to us instead.

There is nothing wrong with this paragraph really, but as a creative writer, the overwhelming passive verbs remove the potential for action and tension.

Here is the same paragraph with the passive verbs marked:

My mother and I walked downtown after the football game but the street was blocked off because the gas station had been robbed.  We walked past the barriers and talked of going to the Mexican restaurant for a margarita and a taco, but we were stopped just past the barrier and were questioned.  My mom seemed a little upset by the situation (this isn’t passive despite the “by” phrase), so we turned around and went home.  A pizza was delivered instead.

This quick paragraph that eludes at tension (“My mom seemed a little upset by the situation”) really has no action or suspense because the passive fizzles out anything that might happen.  Not only that, but this paragraph is thin on details and scene.

Take a stab at revising this.

Revision III: The Long and Arduous Journey

Funny thing about revision is the misperceptions.  Even if we deny them, most of us writers have felt these lies.

Acknowledge these lies about revision:

1. The most genius, talented writers don't revise.  They create masterpieces on their first try.

2.  When I revise, I must admit that I write crap.  Everything that I write is crap (or at least that is how it feels).

3.  If I really have to revise my work tremendously, then I'm not a good writer.

These are lies and are somehow ingrained in us as writers, and as a result, make us defensive.  We see the imperfections in our own work, and we (I) hate to see how much work I put into my work to make it palatable to myself.  And then, in the end, I'm never satisfied, it is like finding a point in which I just give up.  Not that I'm satisfied or happy, but I just say, "I'm done."

As we struggle with our work and our stories, we make our work better.  The more we revise, the more we struggle with our work, we become better artists and writers.

This is the truth of revision.  Only in the struggle do we give birth to amazing stories, the stories that are a part of our own struggle as writers.

Revision II: The Long and Arduous Journey

After spending the night in the Chicago airport, I'm back, and here's another posting about revision.

I'm no expert at revision.

But I do not shrink from hard work.

Let me describe to you how I revise (stories and novels, not blogs, usually):

1. Print out draft. If I'm working with a large draft, I usually print out the entire thing. Hard copy. Even if its 200 pages.

2. I start reading. And marking. And adding. And crossing out. I usually work with one chapter at a time, and go from there. I add extra pages (college-ruled) and mark the extra paragraphs with numbers in the margins. If I want to add more in a section and am not ready, I indicate "ADD MORE HERE" and move on. I focus on one chapter at a time, reviewing, adding, striking out, adding sections, and taking notes on an external outline.

3. Go to the next chapter and do the same.

4. After the story/novel/whatever is complete, I review it. I double check my outline (already completed prior to first draft) for consistent details, and make sure I understand my notes.

5. Then, I open a new, blank Word document. I start with the beginning, and I type the entire version from the beginning, adding my changes and alterations.

6. Repeat the process from the beginning. Print, notate, and retype.

This is a tedious, lengthy process. I find that printing a hard copy helps me to read the words differently and more carefully than reading on a computer screen. Also, writing by hand and jotting notes in the margins is easier for me to keep organized and visualize spacially. Finally, typing the entire piece over helps me process and revise the piece, walking through the words as I write them.

However, I find this works well for me, and whatever works for me does not necessarily work for anyone else.

What revision techniques work best for you?